What a dream it would be to wake up to a kiss on the forehead from my loyal, hardworking late husband. I only had ONE Mother’s Day with my husband before he passed from Lung Cancer, and we spent it surrounded by family dedicating our 1st son, Holt, to the Lord. We didn't know it then, but at that very moment our 2nd son was already in utero, as we prayed for our gift from God, Little Matthew.
Still — this morning our 2 little boys and giant Siberian Husky bust into my bedroom, flung themselves into the air and crashed into my bed! My boys are so little, they don’t know it’s Mother’s Day! This is every day! Morning tickles and giggles and laughter and quite honestly — light bruises on the mama from this sweet boyish tussle — are our norm!
Make the joy, widowed mamas! Yes, as widowed moms we shoulder, all of the physical and emotional load, but I PROMISE you won’t regret it! While FaceTiming with both grandmas, my little boys announced that they want to go to the “beach” at our (and my late husband’s) favorite park, Chester Frost, to celebrate me! For those in early grief, it took years for me to surface from drowning in grief… but I can finally BREATHE!!! Go! Do it! Be FREE!!!
I've been asked by many how I'm joyful, since I'm still single. As a Black, educated, homeowner and business owner my chances of finding a partner are unfortunately, statistically low. While that may come as a surprise to those who are not a minority, it's everyday knowledge for Black women. In fact, even in my line of work many see my success as a widow supporter tied into remarriage, as if a woman standing alone cannot be whole.
However, I'm not basing my life on probability, just passion.
I'm not waiting for my future partner to restart our lives. I'm creating as many beautiful memories as possible with my children right now. I'm raising empathetic, outgoing little boys to be hardworking men on my own, without family in the area.
Oh, but the joy -- the JOY -- that will MULTIPLY when my future life partner and I join together as a family! What many young people don't understand is that as a widow, I have known TRUE LOVE, and I look forward to sharing my heart again. You see, I CAN WAIT to find the right person to support as a partner again. I CAN WAIT for the right loving soul to intertwine our strengths and passions together. There is so much love to give.
Maybe one day, there will be a simple wedding, where I'm surrounded by my fellow widow supporters that have been there all these years. Maybe I'll smile into my mother's loving eyes, filled with joy, as I walk down the aisle to say "I do." Maybe my two sons will hold my hands as I walk down that aisle in the beautiful outdoors. Maybe the joining of our spirits will be an indistinguishable fire that radiates love for our children and our community. Maybe.
Yet, even if, my late husband is my only true love on this Earth, I have lost nothing by creating joy in every single moment with my children. I have lost nothing opening my heart to the possibility of love. I have lost nothing by supporting others on their grief journey. I have lost nothing by becoming whole.
With all my love to those on this wild journey, Azurae